Spot the Differences
By Madeleine Eiles
I
have the spent the past year and a half being involved in my church’s middle
school youth group, IMPACT, where the volunteers (mostly college-aged young
adults) are highly encouraged to pursue dyadic relationships with the students
who come to IMPACT. These dyadic relationships consist of a college student as
a mentor, and a middle school student as a mentee. I have had the amazing opportunity to mentor
a few girls over the past year and a half, and I can see the difference it has
made in both my life and the girls’ I mentor.
Combining
my experiences with the writing and researching I have been doing this term has
caused me to wonder if all mentorship relationships have a positive impact on
those involved. And so my question is: How do young adults and middle school
students involved in a dyadic relationship (mentor and mentee) differ from
young adults and middle school students who are NOT involved in such a
relationship?
First,
let’s talk about the youth involved. All it takes to remember your middle
school years is a quick trip down memory lane. Middle school is a time filled
with a lot of anxiety due to the extreme changes that one undergoes while in
that age category. Our bodies usually begin puberty around that time, filling
us with hormones we can’t control. Those raging hormones do nothing to help us
deal with the other changes we experience: social changes, mental alterations,
etc. It’s hard even to get along with our friends at that age! One incoming 6th
grader, named Amaya says “So many girls get in fights over small things”(Nirappil,
“Sherwood Summer Institute”). Middle school is or was a tough time for all of
us.
With
those almost painful memories in your mind, think if you can about how helpful
it would have been to have a mentor to walk with you through those changes.
Someone to help you cope with the crazy emotions and mood swings we exhibit;
someone to listen to you and talk you through problems and arguments you have
with your parents, teachers, and peers. Someone who has made it through middle
school themselves.
I
asked some of the middle school girls that have been mentored through IMPACT
how they have been impacted by their various mentors. The girl who I have been
mentoring the longest, Hannah (name changed for privacy purposes) responded
with, “It has impacted me greatly knowing there is, and always will be someone
there when am sad or just need to talk… You tell me what to do, how to handle
things in a godly way, and you show me how to be happy and just laugh. It means so much that you – an amazing person
and a friend – wants to mentor me.” As you can see, being mentored has really
had a great impact on this girl!
Now on to the
effects that a dyadic relationship has on the mentor. As a mentor, I have seen
myself grow as a person as I have taken on this role. It has stretched me and
challenged to become less self-seeking and more aware of other people’s needs.
One of the volunteers I work with, Margaret (name changed) states, “Being a
mentor allowed me to see kids more as human beings and less like projects.”
One thing I must touch on is the need for certain
characteristics to be present in the mentor in order to form positive
relationships with a younger student. Without these features, the relationship
will not be as effective as possible. Among these, as JenLeyton-Armakan, Lawrence,Deutsch,
Williams, and Henneberger say are “academic self-worth, parent relationship,
and not being too autonomous”(906). The authors say these are “important preexisting characteristics
related to mentee satisfaction”(906). As well as possessing these traits,
mentors must be committed to their students, have at least a little training,
and have emotional support (Frels, Onwuegbuzie, Bustamante, Garza, Nelson, Nichter,
and Leggett, 618).
With a solid mentor and a willing mentee, a mentorship can
have an incredible impact on each of the participants. Middle school students
can have someone working with them as they walk through the difficulties of
middle school, which greatly increases their self-confidence and success, while
mentors gain life skills and strong character traits.
Tags:
Middle school, mentor, mentee, mentorship
